I tried so hard to keep my life private to avoid all the radars and just be a face occassionally associated with a name. Appearantly I failed. That's the probably with getting involved. If you stay silent people will wonder and ask, and question not only you but everyone else, and there, there, is where the rumors begin to roll but they are always questioned so they are nothing more than rolling questions lerking for an answer well the answer that they themselves want to hear not what is true. But if you talk your bound to say to much and then what you have a hyperboley on your hands. Maybe its best to stay high on everyones radar, but then when people ask about your life you just sit back and laugh. And then they have their answer. I guess what i'm trying to say is i don't want to be face, I don't want to be remembered by many just by a select few who appericate me for who I am and what I do but other than that they know nothing about me. I may have contradicted myself but that happens sometimes and you just have to go with it because if we weren't a contradiction to ourselves and our believes then we're nothing but extremist and that never gets you anywhere good-never.

So do you want to tell me what this feeling is? Please! b/c I hate it! Although I’m smart enough to realize that it is most likely jealous or at least that is probably the way it is going to appear. I will say that it is me being protective. Maybe it truly is me being protective, but probably protective for the wrong reason. ARG I don’t know what to do with you I don’t know what I can do for me. This shouldn’t be my problem and it is only my problem b/c we use to be one of the same just oneside was always slightly delayed but with reason one side was young had less life experience. Hm I wish we were closer so I could tell you how I feel. Maybe its frustration maybe its because your young. Maybe its because you don’t fit in the way I don’t fit in, but not in the same way. I just fear for you because I should not because I’m jealous. I’m just trying to be here for you and sometimes I want to hit your parents because they are stupid and ignorant and not in the way that I use to refer to them as. I kind of just want to slap you. Maybe I’m not the right person to be talking about love or maybe I am. Maybe I’m arrgoent maybe I don’t know love. Maybe I skipped those teenager years only to look down upon my own peers. Maybe I’m wrong to say that but really when do we grow up? B/c I sure as hell don’t fit in here and I’m sure you don’t either. Maybe its because you chairsh those childhood years and maybe its because of molestors. Its sad that I have to look at the situation like this. I think its because you don’t plan on going to college. I think its because your wrong. I guess I can’t allows be there for you and you can’t be here for me.

Today is one of the happier days of my life and honestly not even he could bring me down, and boy did he tried and failed. I think his failure and than realization made me happier. I feel like i'm on estacy (not that i would know or anything) but wow what a beautiful day. Don't let me fall asleep for this is the happiest day of my life and my birthday is sure to ruin this beloved feeling that has wrapped me up and stabbed my heart